Valentine Funny Quotes - Love Sayings Which Ooze Humor

Are you looking for some Valentine funny quotes?

Everyone has their favorite quote or saying for Valentine's Day; here are some quotes from famous people, who perhaps wished later that they hadn't been quoted! Some of these could be used for a homemade Valentine card - as long as you quote the author.

My favorite Valentine funny quote by an anonymous writer – "I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."

I love this Valentine funny quote by Maurice Chevalier: "Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it."

"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess." H.L. Mencken.

A couple of Valentine quotes by the renowned author George Bernard Shaw, "Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else". And, "The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post." He might have hit on something there!

Jerome K. Jerome wrote, "Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it." How true.

A Valentine funny quote from Charlie Brown, Charles Schulz's alter ego, "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." And one from Charles Schulz himself, "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"

Erich Segal had this to say about love, "True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."

Lily Tomlin's funny quote about Valentines, "If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?"

Charles Boyer said, "That love at first sight should happen to me, was life's most delicious revenge on a self-opinionated fool."

An ironic quote from Bette Davis: "Brought up to respect the conventions; love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did."

A Valentine funny quote from an anonymous author: "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."

Agatha Christie said, "An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." I totally agree with Agatha!

Tracy Smith said, "I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV."

And to quote the inimitable Groucho Marx, "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." A true and funny Valentine quote by Jules Renard.

"Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is."

"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." A cry from the heart of Hawkeye Pierce in the TV series, M.A.S.H.

"Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots." A Valentine funny quote by Hoosier Farmer.

"A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting." Helen Rowland

Jay Leno's take on the occasion, "Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day."

Emo Philips gives us a good Valentine funny quote with this one, "My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes."

"The bravest thing that men do is love women." By Mort Sahl.

My favorite Valentine quote isn't funny, but it's very true. Melanie Griffith said, "There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart!"

Valentine funny quotes add a little extra spice to your Valentine's Day. These Valentine quotes are a relief from all the romantic quotes and sayings which are not to everyone's taste, but however you feel about it - Happy Valentine's Day!

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